It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. – Henry David Thoreau
This may be an obvious observation, but its implications are profound. Imagine a group of people all looking at the same $100 bill. Some might see it as a small fortune, while others view it as pocket change. One person may think of the hours they'd need to work to earn it, while another sees an opportunity to treat themselves. Despite all of us looking at the same object, what we see is entirely shaped by our perspectives.
This analogy extends far beyond monetary value: it's a powerful lens through which we can examine our entire lives. It’s not the events we experience that shape us, but how we interpret and respond to them. Why is it that two people may experience the same things, but react differently to them? Is it personality or is it a mindset? Psychologically, what happens to us is less important than how we react to it. Our reactions dictate the power these events hold over us, for better or worse.
Take, for instance, the notion of resilience. Research has shown that individuals who adopt a resilient mindset—those who view challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles—tend to experience better mental health and overall well-being. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, resilience is closely linked to an individual’s perception of control over their circumstances. When people believe they have the power to influence their outcomes, they are more likely to persevere through adversity and emerge stronger on the other side. It’s the battle of existentialism and egocentrism.
This brings me to a crucial point: the most empowering mindset we can adopt is one of taking full responsibility for our reactions. I’m not suggesting that we should deny our feelings or constantly put a positive spin on every situation. It's essential to allow ourselves to feel, process, and honor whatever emotions arise in the moment. However, how these events shape our lives, our beliefs, decisions, and future actions is ultimately up to us.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. – Charles R. Swindoll
Consider these two people again. Two people could experience the same traumatic event, yet their reactions could lead to vastly different outcomes. One person might feel overwhelmed and defeated, while the other might find a way to grow from the experience, seeking out lessons and opportunities for personal development. Swindoll’s perspective is incredibly liberating because it reminds us that we are in control of our responses and, therefore, our destinies.
So, why wouldn’t we choose to make the best of a bad situation? Why not seek out the lesson in a negative event or view failure as a stepping stone to success? Embracing this mindset doesn’t just make life more bearable, it makes life more meaningful. It turns every experience, no matter how challenging, into an opportunity for growth.
Of course, shifting to this empowered mindset isn’t something that happens overnight. It requires conscious effort, practice, and sometimes even a bit of reprogramming. For those of us who have internalized a victim mentality, this change can be particularly challenging. But the effort is well worth it. According to research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, it takes, on average, 66 days to form a new habit. This means that with consistent practice, we can rewire our brains to adopt new ways of thinking and reacting.
The practices in self-books are just tools, of course, and everyone’s journey will look different. But the underlying principle remains the same: we are only as good as what we practice consistently. If we’ve spent years reinforcing a victim mentality, it will take time and intentional effort to shift to an empowered one. Yet, this work is the difference between merely surviving and truly thriving—between letting life dictate who we are and taking control of our narrative.
In the end, we all have a choice. We can continue to see ourselves as victims of circumstance, or we can choose to empower ourselves, to see every challenge as an opportunity to grow and evolve. The freedom that comes with this mindset is immense. It allows us to live out our highest and truest potential, free from the constraints of our past or the limitations imposed by others.
So, the next time you find yourself facing a difficult situation, pause and ask yourself: How am I going to react? What am I going to see? The answer to these questions has the power to shape your life in ways you may never have imagined.
References:
Fredrickson, B. L., Tugade, M. M., Waugh, C. E., & Larkin, G. R. (2003). What good are positive emotions in crises? A prospective study of resilience and emotions following the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11th, 2001. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 365-376.
Swindoll, C. R. (1990). The Grace Awakening. Thomas Nelson Inc.
Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009.